Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
