i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
