Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
