I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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