I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
