just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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