I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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