just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
