I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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