Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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