she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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