remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
