I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
