At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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