Well douche your snatch and let's go!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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