i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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