Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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