I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Randomize