i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
