I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
