so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
