Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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