rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
