My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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