margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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