do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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