i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
