Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
