I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
