her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Found your dick twin last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
