Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
