I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
