Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
