this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize