Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
