I think my vagina is haunted
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
