# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
