Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize