There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
