My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
