i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
