Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
