Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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