I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
