I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
