life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
