So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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