Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
