Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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