i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
