He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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