Yo dont text me then not text me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
