She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
