My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
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