sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
