my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
