i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
