Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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