hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
