ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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