You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
