You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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