either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
