sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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