genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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