My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
