Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
