that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize