Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
