He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
