Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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