ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
