So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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