Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
