I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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