I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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