Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
