Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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