how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
