awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
