she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
