i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
