He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
