Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize