D3 body, D1 cock
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
