ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
