Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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